If forgiveness is really not for the other person but really for you (i.e so you can let go of the negative feelings you have toward that person and not become consumed by bitterness, rage, hurt etc.) doesn't that make it a selfish act? Yes it could also affect the other person if they are still a part of you life, but if they've long since vanished after inflicting pain upon you, isn't forgiveness purely for your own benefit? Should we change Alexander Pope's saying to "To err is human. To forgive is self-serving?" Discuss.
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Basically, things are never really the same most times.
I spent my time harboring anger, loading negative ammunition just in case I ever ran into someone from my past that I felt may have hurt me. Truth is, the majority of the time those opportunities to unload that anger will never come, so you're stuck toting around past issues that you haven't faced because you won't be satisfied until you get an apology or cuss that person out.
We're human. We can thank of forgiving someone w/o their knowledge self serving, but it's needed if true peace and acceptance is what your desire, which ends up helping others. That access baggage slowly lessens and will allow you to be open again, so that you won't lash out on someone who doesn't deserve it.
It's a way of letting go. I recently wrote a letter to myself expressing my anger towards people that hurt me; however, I also wrote a letter to myself, and I forgave myself more than the people that hurt me. I can't explain it (although I have these long paragraphs, my bad), but I feel better.