My Reaction To Miley Cyrus' VMA Performance

I had to summon the power of three to properly describe the level of shade I must throw at...whatever Miley Cyrus was doing on stage last night. Britney, Bey, and Madonna pretty much mirror the stages of my reaction--confusion, mild abhorrence, and finally, bemused detachment.

Honestly I've never felt strongly one way or the other about Miley Cyrus, her image or her music, though I appreciate she's a friend to the gays. Regardless, what the hell was that? Giant teddy bears all over the stage (a furry's wet dream come true, if that's what you're into), supremely awkward dancing followed by random, regrettable twerking on Robin Thicke dressed as the Hamburglar? I mean, that was some visual and audio egregiousness I have not had the misfortune to watch since Britney Spears' '07 VMA implosion.

And while we're on the subject, when did twerking suddenly become the "new" dance trend of 2013? I type new in quotation marks because anyone with at least a cursory knowledge of the last 10 to 15 years of Southern rap history knows twerking ain't nuthin new under the sun or the stripper pole. Neither are the grills Madge seems so fond of sporting all of sudden--but let's focus on Miley. Did everyone just decide to erase "Get Low," "Whistle While You Twerk" from their cultural memory and not tell me? Then again, everyone caught amnesia when it came to the bastardization of the "new" Harlem Shake, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

All that aside, it was a horrible performance. Not because of the raunchiness; by all means if you want to bring the sexy and provoke folks Miley, then shake your shimmy girl. But it wasn't polished or effortlessly choreographed a la Beyonce/Janet, or trashy flashy like Rihanna. Nor was it intentionally off-beat, provocative or artistic in the style of Madonna, Gaga or Pink. It just looked like a little girl dancing in her skivvies shouting to world "Ooooooh, look at me being bad. I'm SO outrageous!"

It reminds me of when Christina Aguilera was in her "Dirty"/Stripped phase and was flashing her goodies all over the place. She was so intent on eradicating her bubblegum image and proving "I'm a big girl now" that everything else got swallowed up in the hoopla. It was all flesh but little substance. Thankfully her vocal chops and musical output from that period was strong enough to withstand the backlash. "Don't Stop" and "Party In The USA" are good pop fluff, but chile I'm not certain we'll being saying the same about Miley's catalogue a decade from now.

Chile watch this foolishness.